Will of chaos

Pov Vecna:

“(I believed I could do everything with my intelligence, with such capable and trustworthy people around me, with the help of Hajak, which was the best tool we created.)” (me)

“(My motto has always been that if there’s no solution to a problem, then I should invent a solution… there’s no such thing as impossible in science, only a lack of knowledge.)” (me)

“(The naivety of those days, even with everything I know now, if I could go back to those days, I would have done everything the same. I don’t like being below anyone, and being an Ascendant was something I built for myself.)” (me)

I’ve always been self-centered and excessively proud. Being below others was unthinkable to me. The social hierarchy based on jobs meant nothing to me. I saw everyone as equal, with only a few slightly above or below, and even then always in the same bracket, that is, until that day.

“(Wait… something’s not right…)” (me)

I started to pay attention to my surroundings. The cave where I was was covered in streams of the Law. My body was being continually torn apart and rebuilt. I could also feel the power of the Curse slowly permeating my cells.

My body and Soul were in torment, and my future would be to serve before one of the worst Entities known. I should be trying to think of a way out of this situation, no matter how impossible it seemed.

“(Why am I thinking about the past now?)” (me)

“(Why am I having these memories now of all the moments?)” (me)

“(I’ve studied cases where desperate, regretful, or emotionally unstable people cling to old memories… but I wouldn’t degrade myself to despair, and emotions have always been subdued by my rationality. The mere fact that I would regret something is laughable…)” (me)

“(Then how do I… wait!!)” (me)

I looked in my mind. My consciousness shouldn’t be in such a stable state. The power of an Entity goes beyond all the studies I’ve ever conducted on the subject. Even though it’s outside my scope of understanding, I’m sure of one thing: the power of the Entity’s independent Concept would certainly work on my consciousness. There would be no escape like I’m doing now.

I stopped looking at my body and Soul, then focused on the strange energy invading them, shaping everything as it pleased. This was the power of the Concept of the Curse. Because it’s within my body and Soul, my perception can follow its movements like it never could in any other situation.

“(Is it avoiding my consciousness…?)” (me)

The power of the Concept was avoiding my consciousness, and looking closely, there seemed to be something deep within my Soul. The Existential Spark was being affected by the power of the Concept of the Curse, but there was another power present, the Anomalous power of Creation. It was acting differently and seemed to guide the power of the Concept through the Existential Spark, isolating it almost harmlessly.

“(The Anomalous power shouldn’t be able to accomplish this…)” (me)

“(Wait… the technique I’m using to seal my consciousness also uses Anomalous power.)” (me)

I tried to control this Anomalous power. All Ascendants possess this power within themselves, but it’s only used as a vessel for our Laws. None of us actively use it, as its function disrupts the Laws. Using it in conjunction with the power of the Law is extremely risky. I even had my doubts when I created this technique.

“(Why can’t I control it…?)” (me)

“(If I’m not controlling it, then who is!? Who’s playing with my mind?!!!)” (me)

This time I was enraged. I didn’t like being manipulated by others. The unfavorable deal I made with the Curse Entity is one thing, but having my mind toyed with like this without having the slightest idea is unthinkable!

It was clear now, I wasn’t the one who activated the technique, I wasn’t the one who controlled the Anomalous power, and I wasn’t the one who pulled those memories to recall the past, I was recalling the past because those memories were pulled in front of me.

“(Finally realized Vecna…)” (????)

“(Who are you!?)” (me)

“(You know me… you’ve met me… once…)” (????)

“(Why are you here? Why mess with my mind!?)” (me)

“(I didn’t expect you to remember… after all, everything happened as I predicted… maybe a little more destructive…)” (????)

“(…)” (me)

I didn’t know who it was; the voice was distorted. I couldn’t understand the tone of voice, I couldn’t grasp whether the voice was female or male, I couldn’t distinguish an age either; it was a complete mystery. I didn’t even know how my consciousness was receiving this voice, I didn’t feel any kind of connection with my consciousness.

“(How about we return to your memories…?)” (????)

Snap

“What is this?” (me)

Suddenly she snapped her fingers and everything changed. I could no longer sense my surroundings, I couldn’t feel my body, I couldn’t feel my Soul, even all the torment I’d felt before vanished.

I looked at my hands, which were stained with blood. All around me was darkness, along with a mist that spread a chill through me. I felt as if something was watching me behind the mist, but I couldn’t tell from where.

My body was the same as always, but my clothes were nowhere to be seen. I could see beyond the bloodstains; there were black marks that were slowly taking root everywhere.

I could feel my entire body, I could see, I could hear the sound of my feet moving in the icy waters, I could feel the cold around me. My senses were working, even my voice was normal.

“Why are you doing this?” (me)

“How are you doing this?” (me)

“Huhuhuhu…” (????)

“…” (me)

“(She…? How do I know she’s… a woman…?)” (me)

Her laughter was coming from every direction. I still didn’t understand what was happening, but after the initial surprise, I had my mind back in control. I wouldn’t lose my cool so easily again. Thanks to having my head on straight, I realized I was ignoring something, something I didn’t understand myself: the reason I knew she was a woman even though I couldn’t distinguish her gender from her voice.

I tried to understand where this certainty came from, but I couldn’t. I’ve always been someone who seeks facts and truth; being certain of something without understanding the reason was unnerving. That’s when I realized she did it on purpose. Maybe she’s a woman and was just trying to make me lose my cool again.

“(I need to understand what’s going on?)” (me)

“Don’t you have a name? Or are you scared?” (me)

“How sweet~…” (????)

“!!!” (me)

Suddenly I feel a hand gently pulling my chin to the side, a soft voice coming from my ear. It was still distorted, but the feminine form speaking was unmistakable. As soon as I turned around, I saw no one and narrowed my eyes, unfazed.

“Are you going to keep playing these games?” (me)

“If you don’t want to tell me who you are? Then at least tell me why you’re here?” (me)

“Hmmm~~…” (????)

“You’re so slow… is it because of the Curse…?” (????)

“(Where is she? Her voice comes from everywhere, I feel her eyes on me, and there always seem to be figures hidden in the mist, hidden in the darkness.)” (me)

“You’re an Entity, you can only be an Entity.” (me)

“(What does she want from me? Why dare she go against the Curse Entity now?)” (me)

“Then why do all this and be afraid to show up?” (me)

“As self-absorbed as ever… but still not asking the right questions…” (????)

“…” (me)

In my mind, I replay everything I’ve heard since that voice spoke to my consciousness, as well as everything I’ve seen since things became strange inside me.

“You said I know you?” (me)

“Yes~…” (???)

“You said to bring back my memories… do you want to make me remember you?” (me)

“It seems your genius hasn’t completely faded.” (????)

I kept feeling like something was wrong; that voice was very neutral, but I didn’t understand what this Entity wanted from me. There was no way I could forget someone with that level of power.

“Why do you want me to remember you?” (me)

“Finally, a correct question.” (????)

“I want to see you wallow in the grave you dug yourself~.” (????)

“…” (me)

I felt like she was behind me, her mouth right next to my ear, whispering those words full of malice. But at the same time, I was certain that if I turned away, no one would be there. I did so anyway, and I found myself staring at a silent waterfall, a beautiful stream of water where my memory was reflected.

It was once again that room full of scattered papers and a malnourished scientist panicking over his discovery. That was me in the most disturbing moment I can remember, the only moment I felt true despair and almost lost myself in that irrational feeling.

“Why do you want to do this to me?” (me)

“Why… not…?” (????)

Snap

She snaps her fingers again, and I become an observer inside my memory. The darkness disappears, the fog becomes dim, and all my senses disappear again, leaving only my mind focused on the memory unearthing before me.

“(I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve with this, but I’ll find out.)” (me)

I wasn’t shaken by what she was doing to me. With every word, every action, every power she revealed, I learned more about her through these interactions. Sooner or later, I’d find out about her.

“This information is all correct… the data matches… the simulations only confirm the same fact… all the calculations seem correct no matter how much I redo them…” (me)

Beat

Rwaanh

Baamm!

“DAMN YOU!!!” (me)

“DAMN!!!!” (me)

“[Doctor Vecna, what should be the next course of action for this research?]” (Hajak)

“Hajak… there is no next course of action… there is no hope… we are all going to die… everything will be destroyed… everything I’ve created will be destroyed… everything I’ve achieved will be destroyed… there is nothing to do…” (me)

“[Doctor Vecna, do you need any further assistance?]” (Hajak)

“The universe is crumbling…” (me)

I was in total and complete despair. The scale of my discovery was beyond my knowledge at the time; it was the end of everything for me. I didn’t know other universes existed, I knew nothing of what I know now, so the only solution was the inevitable end that was approaching all too quickly.

“(Why is this the most vivid memory in your mind…?)” (????)

“(Only when you are at your lowest does the will to Ascend higher shine through, it was on that day that the first step was taken.)” (me)

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